Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Life Lessons From George Lucas

Recently I went to see the new Indian Jones. In all honesty I was a little apprehensive about the whole thing. The recent redux by Lucas have been shitty at best. And the addition of Shia LeBouf was a little questionable, I mean come on its Even Stevens trying to kick some ass with Jack Ryan its like getting Will Smith to play BA Baracus in a remake of the A-Team. Nonetheless it is Indiana Jones, how can anyone resist its call? After a second viewing of the movie I have discovered some real lessons about both myself and life in general. And since I love lists I present to you the top lessons I have learned from Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull:


-No matter what they look like now, I would still have sex with any female celebrity I found attractive in my youth.
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-If you put a Puerto Rican in a loin cloth they look just like an ancient race of Peruvians.

- An OCD like obsession with one's hair is hilllarrriiiooouuussss

-Monkeys will do anything for you if your hair looks just like theirs.

-The Cold War could have ended a lot sooner if the United States or Russia had invested more money into training a loyal army of Rockabilly Monkeys.

-Give any guy, even if they are built like an 11 year old girl, a motorcycle, leather jacket, socially unacceptable name, and some nifty knife flipping tricks and they will immediately be a certifiable bad ass.

-Its pretty easy to get back to civilization if your left stranded in the middle of a South American jungle. And if you don't wander around the jungle at night you'll be perfectly safe.

-An easy way to get around the jungle, and a great form of exercise, is to swing around on tree vines.

-If your Mexican and hopped up on crack than you can crawl on the branch of a tree like a koala bear.

-The best way to distract a Russian is challenging him to a drag race.

All in all my only regret is that the aliens in the movie weren't Ewoks. That would have just been way to cute.

4 comments:

Coffee Joe said...

I would like to say that I really liked the new film. It was just like the old films-- only this time everyone is older (I mean the audience) and harder to amuse. I, however, found it refreshingly over the top (which is just like the original three).

Filipino Heat said...

Now I agree that at times throughout the film there were good stretches that reminded me of what I loved
about the old films. The problem I had was with the infusion of CGI in the film. For me that slight bit of probability in the first three is what gave Indy its credibility. The CGI effects took that away for me and that is where I was truly dissapointed.

Stef said...

Plus....no ones face melted off. That was the kicker for me.

Erin said...

Yea!! A Donald blog! I'm linking yours on mine so I won't forget to check it often. I'll be in Fairbanks Monday. We begin classes early on Tuesday morning. Sigh. I'll stop in and say hey..are you still working at the Wood Center?