Life Lessons From George Lucas

Recently I went to see the new Indian Jones. In all honesty I was a little apprehensive about the whole thing. The recent redux by Lucas have been shitty at best. And the addition of Shia LeBouf was a little questionable, I mean come on its Even Stevens trying to kick some ass with Jack Ryan its like getting Will Smith to play BA Baracus in a remake of the A-Team. Nonetheless it is Indiana Jones, how can anyone resist its call? After a second viewing of the movie I have discovered some real lessons about both myself and life in general. And since I love lists I present to you the top lessons I have learned from Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull:


-No matter what they look like now, I would still have sex with any female celebrity I found attractive in my youth.


-If you put a Puerto Rican in a loin cloth they look just like an ancient race of Peruvians.

- An OCD like obsession with one's hair is hilllarrriiiooouuussss

-Monkeys will do anything for you if your hair looks just like theirs.

-The Cold War could have ended a lot sooner if the United States or Russia had invested more money into training a loyal army of Rockabilly Monkeys.

-Give any guy, even if they are built like an 11 year old girl, a motorcycle, leather jacket, socially unacceptable name, and some nifty knife flipping tricks and they will immediately be a certifiable bad ass.

-Its pretty easy to get back to civilization if your left stranded in the middle of a South American jungle. And if you don't wander around the jungle at night you'll be perfectly safe.

-An easy way to get around the jungle, and a great form of exercise, is to swing around on tree vines.

-If your Mexican and hopped up on crack than you can crawl on the branch of a tree like a koala bear.

-The best way to distract a Russian is challenging him to a drag race.

All in all my only regret is that the aliens in the movie weren't Ewoks. That would have just been way to cute.

Popping the Digital Cherry

So I have decided to start a blog. I'm not really sure how interesting my thoughts and ramblings are. The fact of the matter is that this is probably my last year in Fairbanks and I will hopefully be travelling after this year so I figure I might as well document my trials and tribulations. Also this is a nice excuse for me to spend time on the internet and not vigorously search for midget porn and nun sex. But that is neither here nor there. Hopefully this will also keep all of those not in Fairbanks updated on my life. Of course this is dependent on people actually reading this blog...inevitably I can see this being a series of elaborate verbal masturbations on my part. But if it feels good...why not. So enjoy and please leave comments.